I’m writing this from Chisinau, Moldova. I’ve just heard a funny story
from a man from Galicia, Spain. The story is a radio transmission in Spanish.
It’s a true story. The Gallegan recorded the transmission on his phone. So this
is my translation into English.
U.S. Navy Captain: Alfa-5580. You
are on a collision course towards us. Change your course to vector 15º east.
Right now to avoid collision.
Spanish sailor: That’s a big
negative, Uncle Sam Nancy-001. We can’t do that. We advise you to change your
course to vector 15º west right now.
U.S. Navy Captain: Out of the
question, Alfa-5580. You don’t know who you are talking to. I’m the captain of
an aircraft carrier. We are on an emergency mission by order of the president
of the United States. We are the U.S. Navy. We have 3 other U.S. Navy battle
ships, 3 British battle ships, 2 French battle ships, and several other war
ships from other NATO countries. We are not going to change our course around
ONE Spanish ship.
Spanish sailor: I don’t care
who or what you are, you bozo. We are on a spit, you idiot. We cannot change
our course, you moron.
U.S. Navy Captain: The size of
your ship does not give you the right of way. We don’t care if your ship is a
“spit,” snat or boogers. Change your course to vector 15º east right now to
avoid collision. We are on an emergency life or death mission to Iraq. If we
change our course to have it your way, we will lose valuable time. Thousands of
soldiers are counting on us to arrive on time. If we don’t arrive in Iraq on
time, thousands of brave soldiers will be killed. Change your course to vector
15º east right NOW!
Spanish sailor: Uncle Sam Nancy
PEA BRAIN! I told you. We are on a SPIT you NOODLE BRAIN DINGBAT! A SPIT! You
needle brain! One of those long sharp thingies that will open up all your high
and mighty NATO ships like a can opener. WE CANNOT CHANGE OUR course. You must change
your course to vector 15º west right now to avoid collision. You don’t know who
you are talking to. I am an old Spanish sailor from Galicia. Our crew consists
of one human: myself, a small dog, a cat, and a parrot, who is currently
sleeping. We cannot change our course to suit your grand high and mighty convoy
with all these big deal NATO ships. Change your freaking course to vector 15º
west RIGHT NOW!
U.S. Navy Captain: That’s very
sad. You have given us no choice. If you don’t change your course to vector 15º
east right now, we will have to ram you and sink your ship. You are in a NATO
country. It is your duty to follow orders from a superior officer. The lives of
a thousand U.S. soldiers far outweigh the life of one Spanish sailor, a dog, a
cat, and a parrot, who is currently asleep.
Spanish sailor: YOU BRAINLESS
SUICIDAL BONEHEAD! We are not on a freaken ship! We are on a freaken lighthouse
with deep foundations into a freaken SPIT; 2 km long. We are surrounded by
thousands of sharp rocks. Some of them are 40 meters tall. They run for 2 km to
the mainland of Galicia like a claw on the paw of a titanic lion. This
lighthouse was built over 200 years ago. Why do you think they built it? Do you
think they built it so that the tourists can have something pretty to
photograph? This lighthouse was built when there were no GPS, no Doppler radar,
no T-CAST. Most captains were smart enough to stay the hell away from a freaken
lighthouse. And now the freaken U.S. Navy with all its GPS, Doppler radar, and
all their high tech state of the art technology think that they’re smart enough
to ram and sink a lighthouse on a 2 km spit. This lighthouse was not built for
the tourists. This lighthouse was built for stupid idiots like you who don’t
know the difference between a lighthouse and their own freaken posterior.
For
more than 3 thousand years, stupid idiots like you have been splattering their
ships and guts all over these rocks. Tens of thousands of idiots have smashed
their ships against this spit. The Romans would smash their ships against this
spit for hundreds of years. The Carthaginians used to turn this spit into a
lumber yard even before there was a Rome, Even before the Carthaginians, the
Etruscans used to impale their ships on these freaken rocks. The Vikings used
to take a shortcut to Valhalla by wrecking their ships here. So now you come
with the freaken NATO convoy. The whole freaken U.S.Navy now wants to follow
the freaken Vikings into Valhalla. The freaken Romans couldn’t sink this spit.
The freaken Carthaginians couldn’t sink it. So now the freaken United States of
America thinks they can sink this spit by order of the president. Oh, yeah,
that’s it. Go for it. I don’t own this lighthouse. I just work here. Go for it.
The Romans, Carthaginians, Etruscans and Vikings didn’t have any GPS, or
Doppler radar or T-Cast. But, hey, the U.S. Navy can do it. Yeah, sure, the U.S.
Navy can do it because you have computers. You have Google Earth. You have
satellite photographs. Oh, yeah, you can sink this spit. In the morning when
the sun goes up, you’ll make history. You’ll be on CNN, Euronews, CTTV, RT
news. Sure, go for it.
U.S. Navy Captain: Roger that,
Alpha 5580, we copy. We’ve already changed course to vector 15º west as you
advised.
The most stupid people in the U.S. are now working as ship captains,
judges, cops, and psychiatrists. Judges Stephen Hillman, Margaret Nagle, and other
judges have ruled that I am very dangerous and that I’m going to hurt somebody
or myself at any minute. I keep telling them that I don’t want to hurt anybody
nor myself but they never believe me. They are like that navy captain that
doesn’t believe that the Spanish sailor is not on a ship. He’s on a spit that
cannot move. For almost half of my life, I’ve told over 100 doctors and
therapists that I never said that I want to hurt anybody or himself. But they
never believe me. Every time I go back to the U.S., the cops always arrest me
even thought I keep telling them that I don’t want to hurt anybody nor himself.
The doctors always write on the §5150 notice that I said that I want to hurt
somebody or myself.
At Del Amo, a doctor said:
“Mr. Sanchez, how can we be sure that you are not going to hurt somebody
if we let you out and then you go back to that airport and hurt somebody? What
would happen to us? We could get shut down for releasing a dangerous mental
patient back into community. We will get blamed for anything you do after we
let you out. We can’t let you out until you are more stable and more
cognizant.”
They threw me out of the Ukraine because I stayed longer than the 90-day
limit. But I didn’t go back to the U.S. I came here to Moldova because nobody
here is stupid enough to think that I want to hurt somebody or myself.
